body dysmorphia vs me.
Last week, a guy I dated for a year and a half (who I haven’t talked to in months) told me “you’re slimming down” in the middle of a text convo. I stared at it for a few minutes and couldn’t even reply for like an hour.
Are you saying I look overweight? Are you saying I look bad? What does that even mean? Why do people feel like they can comment on other people’s bodies? And why do men feel so comfortable talking about the bodies of women who’ve they’ve hooked up with?
I stare at my body every day. I know what my body looks like. If I cared what you thought of my body, I’d ask. And if I haven’t, guess what babes? I don’t care. Whether or not he meant to be positive or felt like it was a nice thing to say, I just feel like it’s inappropriate to talk about someone else’s weight, whether they’re underweight, overweight, etc. Especially if we’re not even that close anymore.
So let’s talk about it. Yeah, I’ve gained weight. Yeah, I’ve fluctuated with weight. Some of that was intentional. Some of it wasn’t. I don’t always feel confident in my body (in fact I rarely feel confident in my body.) Body dysmorphia is such a sucky thing, and it’s not fair to push your own thoughts or insecurities on other people.
I also love working out. (And middle school, high school and college me are all cringing at that sentence.) Sometimes it makes me feel bad. But a lot of the time I like pushing my body to new limits and seeing how it can transform. I like going on walks around the city, and I like taking progress pics.
That relationship with my body, health and fitness is personal. It’s something that can impact my self love and how I feel about myself. But when people talk about it, I feel like they’re inserting themselves into this private relationship with my body and myself.
Making it a part of your self love journey
Body dysmorphia can be a part of your self love journey. It takes a lot to love your body (with all your insecurities and “problem” spots.) It’s a powerful thing to have things you don’t like about your body and still love it without always thinking you have to work on certain things. You don’t always have to have a goal or want to be a certain size/weight to be happy.
It’s fun to work on your body (in a healthy way) and be excited about seeing progress. BUT it’s also fun to love the way it looks already and work towards what you want it to look like (again, in a healthy way.)
So how do you do that? Do things that make you feel positive about your body.
Take photos of yourself when you’re feeling good about your body. And look back at them when you’re not feeling your best. It can remind you of the good days and when you’re feeling positive about how you look. It can also reinforce the idea that our bodies are always changing, and how you’re feeling right now may not be how you always feel.
Wear outfits you feel comfortable in. But don’t be afraid to experiment.
It’s a great feeling to feel confident in an outfit you love. The feeling of loving the way your body looks in an outfit is unmatched. There’s something about having a little extra pep in your step or sway in your hips. If certain clothes are making things worse or you don’t feel great in them, it’s okay to not wear them. I feel like there’s an unspoken pressure to be confident in everything you wear, but if something is making you feel insecure or self conscious, why would I keep wearing that?
And while it’s great to feel comfortable in your clothes, make sure you have clothes that fit the bill in terms of what you like. Experiment with different things, try a new top or dress. Sometimes it takes seeing yourself in something you never thought you’d wear to realize how amazing you look.
What I want you to remember:
body dysmorphia is so real and normal
you can love your body and still want to change certain things about it
don’t let other people control how you feel about your body
working on creating a positive relationship with your body and health is self love
Note: If you’re suffering through an eating disorder or have an unhealthy relationship with your body, the National Eating Disorders Association has great resources to check out here.
