body dysmorphia vs me: realities, tips and resources
Last week, a guy I dated for a year and a half (who I haven’t talked to in months) told me “you’re slimming down” in the middle of a text convo. I stared at it for a few minutes and couldn’t even reply for like an hour.
Are you saying I look overweight? Are you saying I look bad? What does that even mean? Why do people feel like they can comment on other people’s bodies? And why do men feel so comfortable talking about the bodies of women who’ve they’ve hooked up with?
I stare at my body every day. I know what my body looks like. If I cared what you thought of my body, I’d ask. And if I haven’t, guess what babes? I don’t care. Whether or not he meant to be positive or felt like it was a nice thing to say, I just feel like it’s inappropriate to talk about someone else’s weight, whether they’re underweight, overweight, etc. Especially if we’re not even that close anymore.
“My body is not yours to critique and discuss. My body is not yours for consumption. My body is my vessel. An archive of experiences. A weapon that has fought battles only I understand. A library of love, pain, struggle, victory, and mystery. Your eyes cannot define all it has endured. Do not place value upon my body, place it upon my being.”
— Sophie Lewis
So let’s talk about it. Yeah, I’ve gained weight. Yeah, I’ve fluctuated with weight. Some of that was intentional. Some of it wasn’t. I don’t always feel confident in my body (in fact I rarely feel confident in my body.) Body dysmorphia is such a sucky thing, and it’s not fair to push your own thoughts or insecurities on other people.
I also love working out. (And middle school, high school and college me are all cringing at that sentence.) Sometimes it makes me feel bad. But a lot of the time I like pushing my body to new limits and seeing how it can transform. I like going on walks around the city, and I like taking progress pics.
That relationship with my body, health and fitness is personal. It’s something that can impact my self love and how I feel about myself. But when people talk about it, I feel like they’re inserting themselves into this private relationship with my body and myself.
how to deal with body dysmorphia
It’s not always easy to deal with struggles with your relationship with your body, but I think there are ways on how to overcome body dysmorphia.
body dysmorphia tips
Making it a part of your self love journey
Body dysmorphia can be a part of your self love journey. It takes a lot to love your body (with all your insecurities and “problem” spots.) It’s a powerful thing to have things you don’t like about your body and still love it without always thinking you have to work on certain things. You don’t always have to have a goal or want to be a certain size/weight to be happy.
It’s fun to work on your body (in a healthy way) and be excited about seeing progress. BUT it’s also fun to love the way it looks already and work towards what you want it to look like (again, in a healthy way.)
So how do you do that?
Do things that make you feel positive about your body.
Take photos of yourself when you’re feeling good about your body. And look back at them when you’re not feeling your best. It can remind you of the good days and when you’re feeling positive about how you look. It can also reinforce the idea that our bodies are always changing, and how you’re feeling right now may not be how you always feel.
“One day I had to sit down with myself and decide that I loved myself no matter what my body looked like and what other people thought about my body.”
— Gabourey Sidibe
Wear outfits you feel comfortable in. But don’t be afraid to experiment.
It’s a great feeling to feel confident in an outfit you love. The feeling of loving the way your body looks in an outfit is unmatched. There’s something about having a little extra pep in your step or sway in your hips.
If certain clothes are making things worse or you don’t feel great in them, it’s okay to not wear them. I feel like there’s an unspoken pressure to be confident in everything you wear, but if something is making you feel insecure or self conscious, why would I keep wearing that?
And while it’s great to feel comfortable in your clothes, make sure you have clothes that fit the bill in terms of what you like. Experiment with different things, try a new top or dress. Sometimes it takes seeing yourself in something you never thought you’d wear to realize how amazing you look.
read more: body positivity quotes
What I want you to remember:
body dysmorphia is so real and normal
you can love your body and still want to change certain things about it
don’t let other people control how you feel about your body
working on creating a positive relationship with your body and health is self love
body dysmorphia resources
If you’re suffering through an eating disorder or have an unhealthy relationship with your body, the National Eating Disorders Association has great resources to check out here.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation offers a BDD test, videos, self help books and podcasts resources.
Mental Health America has a helpful guide for BDD and youth.
The Centre for Clinical Interventions has a workbook for building body acceptance and information sheets.
The Anxiety & Depression Association of America offers several resources and articles.
There are also several resources, including a screening tool and counseling and treatment resources, related to eating disorders provided by the National Eating Disorders Association.
body dysmorphia and body comparison
I sometimes find myself constantly comparing my body to others, especially if I’m having a bad mental health or body dysmorphia day.
A study looked at the relation between body dysmorphia and body comparison and found that participants with body dysmorphic disorder reported “significantly higher levels of appearance comparison” than control participants.
”Individuals with BDD also reported greater levels of comparing in terms of the specific feature(s) of their appearance they were most concerned about as compared to overall appearance, whilst controls showed the opposite pattern,” the study reads.
It continues, “Levels of comparing in BDD participants increased as targets increased in terms of attractiveness, and individuals with BDD rated themselves as being markedly less attractive than targets, and feeling markedly less satisfied with their appearance after comparing.”
Body comparison sucks and only makes things worse and more complicated when it comes to body dysmorphia. I’ve learned how to stop comparing my body to others by following people who share similar body types, eliminating triggers, focusing on what I like about my looks and becoming my own body goals.
Here are some ways we can continue to work on limiting body comparison:
focus on what we like instead of what we don’t like about our bodies
eliminate triggers (social media, being extra harsh on our periods, etc.)
find content that matches our body type and looks
reshape our social media habits and who we follow/what posts we interact with
read more: tips to stop comparing your body and looks to others
