how to build self esteem & confidence

Apr 3

Written By S

So here’s the thing: I was in therapy in college because I had such low self esteem. My therapist’s parting gift to me was a self love and confidence journal — that’s how bad it was.

If you're looking for ways to improve your self esteem and confidence, I just might be the authentic voice you’re looking for to help you work on it because I’ve done the hard work (over and over again.)

how to work on self esteem and confidence

We all want to be confident and feel on top of the world, but society promotes insecurities and unrealistic standards to keep us down and humble us. I think we should break free from that and promote self love. There are several ways to improve your self esteem and ways to boost your confidence, so let’s work on being our best selves:

be kinder to yourself

The problem with confidence in this society is that we’re often way too hard on ourselves. There’s constant negativity and judgement and always something to criticize and dislike in this world. Be the one that has your best interest in heart and who has the nicest thing to say about yourself.

I can stand in the mirror for five minutes and think of every little detail wrong with the way I look. I can overthink at night and create problems I didn’t even know I had. Start being easier on yourself. Try to stop the terrible thoughts about yourself in their tracks. Reverse your mindset when you start to be harsh on the way you look, the way you act, the way you think, the way you talk, the way you work, etc.

You have to let the negative thoughts go. You have to be open to making mistakes. You have to take deep breaths and center your being to remind yourself to release the negative energy and harsh thoughts.

read more: we’re too hard on ourselves

surround yourself with positive influences

Who you surround yourself with, the friends you have, the relationships you keep, the family dynamic, it’s all important. Don’t put yourself in settings where people are putting you down, feel jealous of you and show it, point out your flaws or insecurities or just don’t have your best interest at heart.

One publication found a link between self esteem and social relationships, finding that positive social relationships, social support and social acceptance are helpful in shaping the development of self esteem in people ages 4 to 76.

“The reciprocal link between self-esteem and social relationships implies that the effects of a positive feedback loop accumulate over time and could be substantial as people go through life,” said study author Michelle Harris.

limit negative influences on social media

In a society where we’re constantly being told we’re not good enough, we’re not skinny enough, we’re not thick enough, we’re not pretty enough, etc., don’t feel like you have to always compare your looks to other women. Comparing your body to others leads to dissatisfaction and a lack of peace. You’ll never be satisfied and will always be chasing unrealistic standards.

I’ve learned how to stop comparing my body to others by following people who share similar body types, eliminating triggers, focusing on what I like about my looks and becoming my own body goals. It’s important to learn how to improve your self-esteem as a woman because this world can be a cruel place for us.

When I’m scrolling through social media, I see a wide range of body types and sometimes find inspiration for body goals I want to work toward. But it also reminds me of everything wrong with my own body and leads to unnecessary feelings of jealousy for women I’ll never see in real life. I try to combat the negative feelings by following or interacting with women who share similar body types as myself or who look similar to me.

work on self acceptance

We all have flaws. We all have insecurities. There’s no escaping them. You really have to embrace them if you want to be a more confident person. You have to work on self acceptance by appreciating what you don’t like. Even if it’s fake at first, try to change your thoughts around certain parts of you that you don’t like.

While people change things about themselves all the time and that’s okay. Be open to embracing the “trouble spots.” That’s when you start growing in self esteem and realize that you’re perfect the way you are and start ignoring criticism or bullies.

stand up for yourself

Stand up for yourself and do it often. A big sign of low self confidence is letting people walk over you or abuse you without saying or doing anything. Be confident enough to choose what you allow in your life. If someone is being too needy, clingy, disrespectful or simply taking advantage of your niceness, you should feel empowered to shut that down.

Stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do, want to be a part of, don’t agree with, etc. You haveee to be comfortable saying no in this life. And stop worrying so much about if people like you. You have to make sure you like yourself. Once you like yourself, you stop caring as much about everyone else’s opinion on you.

And more than just liking yourself, you have to calm yourself down in those moments where it feels like other people hate you. Be confident enough to know that it doesn’t matter (even though they most likely don’t.)

set realistic goals

Whether it’s the gym and fitness goals, professional and work goals or any personal goals, set them realistically and don’t set yourself up for failure. I often will get upset with myself or put me down when I fail at a task or objective. I mean who doesn't? I’m also very, very bad at rejection and always take it personally.

At the end of the day, it sucks to not get what you wanted. But what sucks more is making yourself feel shitty about it and making things worse. Be realistic with what you are capable of to improve your self image.

symptoms of low self esteem

Now that we’ve gotten the tips out the way for how to be more confident and boost your self esteem, let me stress the importance of the matter by showcasing a few of the cons of low self esteem.

Here are some of the physical signs of low self-esteem:

a sensitive to criticism
increased need for external validation
constant negative thoughts
difficulty asserting yourself

One psychologist who has been in private practice for 20 years, said she’s noticed an alarming rate of self esteem among her clients. Jennifer Guttman wrote “a person’s self-confidence, as well as other attributes such as self-worth, self-love and self-respect, are impacted by how intact our self-concept is.”

“An impaired self-concept adversely interferes with a person’s ability to find happiness, and over 80% of my clients are struggling with feeling some level of unhappiness in their lives. Taken together, the relationship we have with our self-concept can invariably prevent our ability to achieve our overall desired level of satisfaction and happiness in our lives,” said Guttman in Psychology Today.

We can overcome a low self esteem and little confidence. It takes some self work but it’s very possible.

self confidence & self esteem affirmations

I embrace every part of who I am.
I am always evolving, and I love the process of becoming.
I choose to replace self criticism with self compassion.
I let go of negative self talk.
I know my self worth is not measured by my achievements.
I am not responsible for making others comfortable with my confidence.
my imperfections make me beautiful.
I know my voice matters and I use it confidently.
I choose bravery over comfort in every situation.