a guide on how to go no contact and tips to survive it

Mar 27

Written By S

Have you ever felt like you can’t leave someone alone? Maybe it’s an ex, a crush, a situationship etc. No matter how hard you try to give them distance, you find yourself back talking to them despite all the wrong they’ve done to you or disinterest they’ve shown you. Maybe you recently broke up or agreed to stop communicating with each other, but you find yourself struggling to keep away.

If that sounds like you, go no contact.

No contact is when you cut off all communication with someone, including in person convos, texts, calls, social media, etc., to help get over them after a breakup or when you need distance to help you heal.

The method of using the no contact rule to move on is something I’ve done in multiple occasions throughout the past few years because it’s effective and allows for me to gradually stop thinking so much about someone. I’m not always the best at it and have found myself breaking the rule when I miss that person, but it’s the effort and intention that reinforces my desire to remove this person, alongside the thoughts and memories of them, from my life and mind.

So if you’re looking for a sign to finally heal your broken heart and remove this person from your thoughts, I encourage you to go no contact with your ex (or whoever!) and move on from the sleepless nights, crying sessions and pain. Take your self love journey to the next level by stepping into this no contact period with these helpful steps:

why the no contact rule is so effective

Have you ever found yourself trying to heal from a breakup but you’re constantly wondering if they’ll reach out or try to talk to you? Or maybe you’re going back and forth on if you should be the one to reach out and make amends or ask them questions on why they don’t want you.

I’ve been there. I’ve (embarrassingly) basically begged them for another chance or attempted to get answers on why I wasn’t good enough for them. And sometimes I’m more chill and find myself calming myself down or talking myself out of sending them a text or calling them when I miss them. But it can be mentally exhausting and take a toll because there are so many emotions tied to reaching out to them. And when I’m talking myself out of it, I’ll think of all the reasons I shouldn’t, which brings up a lot of negative thoughts.

The no contact rule is so effective because it takes away the distractions of healing and allows you to move on without worrying about if they’ll reach out to you and gets rid of the temptation to reach out to your ex.

I also want to encourage against obsessing over what he is thinking about during no contact or how long it takes for an ex to miss you with no contact because it brings the attention back to him (and it’s f him!) Do this for yourself.

Try not to go into no contact solely because you want to make him miss you or want to get a reaction out of this person. (It’s okay if that’s a thought or a reason to finally get you into no contact.) But don’t make that your priority and try to make that mental switch to bring this back to yourself and making it an act of self love.

how to make no contact easier

No contact doesn’t have to be the hardest thing in the world. Sometimes it should be fun (dare, I say?) I mean if you think about it, you’re getting rid of this person who has done harm in your life, made you question your self worth, disrespected you, did you wrong or dirty, cut you off or broke up with you unexpectedly, etc.

There’s countless reasons you need to leave this person alone, so it can be exciting knowing that at the end of this, you can finally be free, physically and emotionally.

distract yourself with self care activities

Take yourself on a solo date: It could be grabbing a latte at a coffee shop, making a trip to the movies, taking yourself out to lunch or even a little solo trip. All things I’ve done! Spending time with yourself, doing something fun that you love to do, is such a great way to distract yourself during the no contact period.
Read self love books & poems: I owe some of my confidence and (somewhat) ability to get over past men to self love books and poems. There’s some cheesy ones out there, but the words in these books can be really inspiring and helpful. Pair this with journaling and chef’s kiss! Extra points for a sunrise or candle with this combo.
Spend time with others who love you: When you hang out with people who love you and have your best interest in heart, it just makes you want to love yourself harder and put your focus on those who do love and appreciate you.
Journaling: Journaling is such a sweet way to pour out your heart. When I can get myself to, it’s such a relief. Even if I’m crying about a situation or writing down updates in my life, it just feels so personal and a good way to get it all out. Plus I love looking back and seeing where I’m at, what I was going through in the past and how I’ve grown.

create a no contact countdown or goal

Something that helps me when it comes to keeping up with distance and making it through the days without reaching out to an ex-situationship is giving myself little rewards or goals to work toward.

One of my favorite ways to do this is by drawing a calendar month and crossing off every day you successfully leave them alone. Usually by the time I make it to the end of the month, I don’t even need the motivation of crossing the day off to keep me going. It becomes second nature to not reach out to them and gets so much easier.

While that works for the earlier days when you are used to talking to your ex every day, it becomes a problem to not reach out during those lonely nights or rare days when you miss them more than usual.

making it through the lonely moments

Too often, we feel embarrassed to admit that we feel lonely because it may feel like it makes us look less cool or like we don’t have friends or a man. Sometimes I even contribute to the negative talk and think those things about myself. Try to remind yourself it’s okay to feel lonely, it’s a normal process of moving on and healing.

When you are feeling lonely, explore hobbies and solo activities you like, try to be open to connections in spaces you’re already in, don’t let people make you feel bad about online connections and try to deal with your loneliness without placing blame on others.

There are little things I like to do when I find myself feeling lonely. Those include doing something creative (painting & blogging are my top two hobbies of choice), walking around the city and listening to music and solo dates. I also love shopping, so Ulta/Sephora or bookstore vibes.

read more: how to deal with being lonely

journal prompts for no contact

If journaling is your self love activity of choice to help you stay strong and committed to your healing, I want to provide some journal prompt ideas to help you go no contact:

What would breaking no contact do for you?
What are the pros and cons of reaching out to this person?
List out all the reasons you decided to stop talking to them.
What would your friends say if they found out you were chatting with them again?
What are some motivating factors in leaving this person alone?
What was missing from this relationship or situationship?
Write down different things you’re excited to be single for.
Give five ideas you can do today to distract yourself from thinking about this person.
Name the hobbies you want to pick up while you’re on your healing journey.
Describe how you have grown since separating from this person and how you want to further grow.

signs the no contact rule is working

If you’re just starting this journey and wondering when no contact starts working, I’m sorry to say there’s no set answer because it’s a personal experience with personal goals that you want to come out of it. As I said previously, it’s important to not obsess over what your ex is thinking about during no contact or how long it takes for them to miss you.

Instead, try to focus on yourself and your own feelings. But maybe you are looking for a sign that no contact is working for you and your needs.

here’s how I’ve noticed when no contact is working:

I don’t feel the daily, constant pressure to talk to them.
I don’t think about them every hour of every day.
I don’t plot on different ways I can reach out to them in a natural way.
I find myself trying less to distract myself of thoughts of them.
Their name and profile pop up less, or not at all, on my phone.
I talk about them less to my friends.
It becomes a lot easier to shut myself down when I start to miss them.
It gets easier to think of other thoughts when he pops up in my head.

Hopefully this has given you some motivation and inspiration to fully dive into no contact with an ex or failed situationship. You should never feel disrespected or less valued than you deserve. I want you to know you’re stronger than you think. You are strong enough to refuse to let people walk all over you and be welcomed back in your life.

I’ve had boys think they can do whatever and I’ll stay. But if you truly want to stand up to someone hurting and taking advantage of you, stand up for yourself by cutting them out of your life once and for all.