stop stalking them on social media -- it isn’t worth it
I love stalking an ex.
I want to know what you're up to. I want to know what you've posted. I want to know who your friends are, who you're talking to, who you're following, all of it. It feels so good in the moment. I feel so drawn to it. I'm so curious on your life. What have I missed out on in your life since we last talked?
But as soon as I do see something that I don't want to see, then shit hits the fan. I'm hurt. I'm upset, on the verge of tears, maybe even crying, possibly even sobbing. And I question why I needed to see that. Most of the time it's fine, but those times where you haven't talked to someone in a while, or haven't seen someone in a while, it hurts that much more to find out something you weren’t prepared for.
Think of the worst possible situation in your head involving this person that you can imagine. Would you be okay finding that out on their social media? Probably not, because that shit hurts. It hurts. It's not fun seeing it. But it's also a little reminder of the reason why you shouldn’t be on the internet stalking this person.
While the curiosity of stalking someone you miss on social media brings temporary satisfaction, it can lead to discovering unwanted information and leave you more upset. You may feel drawn to knowing all aspects of the other person's life, especially when there has been a period of no contact or communication. But it isn’t worth it to stalk them on social media-- trust me.
I may have a littleee stalking problem -- I’ll be the first to admit it! I was looking up my ex-situationship and his girlfriend the other day, and I found valentine’s day photos that I never should’ve seen. I am a writer and drawn to getting to the bottom of things. In other words, I’m good at finding information. Maybe it’s a good thing when I’m helping my friends find someone on social media, but it’s not always fun when it’s yourself.
Let’s work on developing healthier coping mechanisms together.
Block them! (And don’t be tempted by the unblock button.)
Do it. Do it. Do it! Blocking on social media is easier than blocking their phone number in my opinion. They may know they’re blocked, but you’re not missing any texts that aren’t going through and left to wonder what they may have sent while blocked.
Blocking is one of those things that came to me with age and dating experience. I was so anxious about missing something important or nervous about making someone upset in the beginning. But at the end of the day, your peace should always be the most important thing.
If you feel unsettled or nervous about seeing an ex post a new girl, a former friend shading you on their story or constantly comparing yourself to someone you look up to, why are you still entertaining their posts and profile. Out of sight, out of mind.
There are also other steps you can take if you aren’t ready for the block button. Mute them, unfollow them, remove them as a follower, stop interacting with their posts, etc.
read more: 50 affirmations for when you’re feeling lonely
Get off social media.
Sometimes blocking doesn’t work or it’s simply not enough. In those cases where you find yourself constantly unblocking or breaking boundaries you set for yourself, delete the apps for a little while. I’ve had to do it -- it doesn’t make you weak or bothered. It means you’re serious about your boundaries and doing everything you can to promote self love.
Social media is so toxic. It’s meant to be addicting and keep you on the apps longer. We all need a break sometimes, so this is your sign to take one for a few days, which could turn into a few weeks and maybe even a few months.
Not only will you stalk this person less, but it always makes me feel more light and in control of my phone and screen time. It makes me feel as though I should try new things to keep me entertained and find new hobbies. It also makes me want to text, talk on the phone or see people in real life more.
Break the addiction.
Stalking someone on social media feels like an addiction, and being addicted to someone feels like an obsession. This person turns into something I need to find out about and something I can’t live without. I feel so impulsive sometimes, like I need to see what they’re up to right then and there.
And when I see something upsetting, I crash out so hard. I have a meltdown sometimes, or I get upset, angry, jealous, etc. and lead myself into a rumination of negative thoughts on why I’m not good enough to be with. I tend to ignore all the warning signs and focus on doing what my emotions tell me to do.
I think I also have an addictive personality. When I try a new food I love, I need it back to back. If I hear a song I really like, it becomes the song I listen to everyday multiple times a day. When I can get access to someone quickly on social media, I want to keep up with their life and updates.
“She goes from one addiction to another. All are ways for her to not feel her feelings.” – Ellen Burstyn
I challenge you to be open and work towards breaking the addiction you have to seeing their moves on social media.
read more: what it’s like to be addicted to someone: a lover girl's perspective
Set boundaries.
Boundaries are important -- we all know this. When it comes to stalking someone on social media, it’s important to set specific boundaries between you and this person. I’ve specifically told my ex-situationship, who I was talking about before, that I had to block him because I didn’t want to see him and his girlfriend on my timeline (me breaking that is another story!)
Don’t feel pressured to explicitly set boundaries with this person in a conversation or explain yourself. It’s more than okay to write down boundaries you want to have and keep that to yourself.
Some examples of boundaries you can explore:
only visiting their social media profile once a week or month
closing the app when you feel yourself wanting to go to their page
unfollowing them and removing them as a follower when you break up or have a fallout
deleting the apps if you find yourself constantly checking up on them
giving yourself a little reward or incentive by making it a month without visiting their profile
I challenge you to choose one of these to follow or tell me below what boundary you’re implementing on your own!
