letting negative thoughts go.

Rumination is so rough. Thinking and then overthinking and then thinking about how much you’re overthinking. It’s a vicious cycle. And it sucks when the thoughts you have are negative ones about yourself. The staying up late begging your mind to go to sleep, the trying to distract yourself from the thoughts in the middle of the day, wishing your mind would just shut off for some time.

I know the feeling all too well. Negative thoughts are difficult because it’s a cycle of telling yourself awful things, and it just gets progressively worse. 

Take a breath. Understand the thoughts and the feeling that comes with the thoughts. My college therapist used to have me use an emotions chart to identify the certain feeling I had while I was ruminating on negative thoughts. While it’s helpful to know the emotions and your personal reaction to the constant flow of thoughts, it doesn’t always put a stop to it. 

Try to replace the negative thoughts with something more positive but also realistic and natural. No, I’m not telling you to“just think positive.” And it’s way easier said than done.

But picture this: you’re telling yourself how unattractive you feel, how you can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to be in a relationship with you, how you may be alone forever and not start a family, and overanalyzing all the relationships in your life. 

Now take each of those and try to think more realistically about each thought. Remind yourself of all the times you’ve felt beautiful, the times people have tried to pursue you, how much time there is in life to figure out love and marriage regardless of how old you are, the times people have enjoyed your company or appreciated you in their lives. 

When you notice yourself having negative thoughts, do you know when it starts? Recognizing the first or first few thoughts can be helpful in attempting to stop it in its place. It may not always work and it definitely takes practice, but it’s a powerful skill to learn how to limit the thoughts when they first arise. 

The toughest part for me is subconsciously thinking about the negative thoughts while I’m trying to forget about them at the same time. What helps is distraction to be honest. That might look like turning on a movie or calling a friend or going outside and taking a walk. 

But what about when it’s nighttime and negative thoughts are the thing keeping you from falling asleep. You can use a distraction tool, but it's not always effective when the goal is sleep.

This is probably the one I struggle with the most, but it does sometimes help me to play pretend or daydream (or nightdream!). Think about fun plans you have coming up or an ideal situation coming out of a problem you may be going through.

- S